Stay-at-Home Wives vs Professional Wives — A Fiery Third Viewpoint

Who’s minding the store?

The miracle privilege gifted to women no man can ever claim

Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

Two hot articles inflamed the internet this week. Blazing viewpoints pitted adherents of stay-at-home wives vs. professional wives asserting careers as the number one priority.

My comment is based on these two stories of a woman’s accomplishments vs family’s priority.… And here — marriage is not an accomplishment.

Now, here’s a third viewpoint from Soulmate Matcher, Book III.

Julie and her husband, Dave, were experiencing marital problems. Dave’s boss and wife (Guy and Terri Andrews) had invited them to dinner to discuss the concept of marriage structure suggesting husband leadership with the wife playing the supporting role.

Julie cried OUTRAGE!

Photo by Raamin ka on Unsplash

After fits of internal anger, Julie calls Terri to return a baking pan from last week’s dinner. “Let’s chat.”

“Sure, I’ll prepare blueberry muffins,” replied Terri.

Let’s chat indeed, Julie fumed. How dare she promote female submissiveness in today’s progressive society. Women must continue to move forward, not backward!

Her anger roared. How could I have been so gullible? Marital Harmonics. Huh! I’ll let her have it with what’s really relevant to today’s woman. I have no intention of giving in to archaic, backward fanaticism!

“Umm, hope you enjoyed the muffins,” Terri said, leaning back in her chair, aware Julie has something on her mind.

“Terri,” she began hesitantly, looking down and then up into Terri’s eyes, “I thought about the discussion last week — a great deal. To be honest, I’m ticked.

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

Pacing with coffee cup in hand, she continued, “How could you, a woman of your intelligence and depth, promote such an archaic mindset as female submission?”

Setting the cup down, gesturing wildly, she said, “Women have fought long and hard for equality and are still fighting. We will not quiet our voices. We will not be denied nor will we acquiesce to a male fantasy of a ‘white picket fence, children, and dog’.”

“To infer that we should step back in time to enjoy an occasional compliment from our ‘Lord and Master’ Husband, obeying his every command as we change diapers and wipe runny-noses, is insulting. The last thing we need is other females contradicting our equal rights.”

Inhaling deeply, Terri asked, “Which rights did I contradict?”

Julie’s eyes narrowed, her nostrils flared. “Women today are entrepreneurs,” she said, gesturing for emphasis. “We’re goal-driven, assertive, intelligent, capable. No one can relegate us to second class.”

“We have the right to be all we can be. The right to the same job opportunities, be it firefighter, police officer, or Indian chief. The right to leadership and management in corporate America. The right to hold office and aspire to the presidency. The right to bear arms in the military and war, if that is what we choose,” she vehemently replied.

Like men?” Terri asked.

“Yes! Like men!” Julie proudly answered.

Crossing her legs and leaning forward, Terri looked directly into Julie’s eyes and asked, Then, who will be like women?

Julie froze, speechless. Her eyes momentarily registered confusion.

Photo by Andrey Zvyagintsev on Unsplash

Terri continued, “Who will be the caretakers of the human race? Who will stoke home fires — while all the women seek to be like men?”

“Women today are increasingly concerned about their own rights and their own future and decreasingly concerned about the future of the family. This thinking demeans traditional values. And it’s frightening because the change away from traditional values is destructive.”

Terri paused and poured herself another cup of coffee, her easygoing demeanor now serious. She took a sip and continued.

“If this change were for the better, that would be wonderful, but look at the results of ill-focused thinking. Divorce rates are soaring, producing struggling single-parent families.”

“Deprived of a nurturing family environment, young teens turn to opioids, heroin, and other drugs. They run with street gangs. Violence and rebellion are their support system. Terrorists are their heroes. And the lack of home training in morals has produced a nation of unwed mothers who have little knowledge of raising their babies. And let’s not talk about school shootings.”

Julie winced.

In many homes where both parents are wrapped up in careers, often the children are lonely. Without proper parental supervision, left to their own devices, they gravitate toward bad associations. Bad association through questionable friends, violence and pornography in reading materials, R-rated movies and videos, and music that promotes hate and degradation of women.

Why kids are even learning how to make bombs over the Internet. And, did you know that suicide is the number three cause of death among teenagers? And that six percent seriously think about killing themselves? I ask you, ‘Who’s minding the store’… while women focus on their own rights? …

What about the children’s rights? The right to have mothers who care about them more than some supposed right to be like a man. Think about what an inestimable gift it is to conceive and to bring into the world a beautiful life.

A life that we have the privilege to shape and direct into a productive, contributing member of society. A life that will, in later years, contribute to our enjoyment by extending our family with grandchildren.

I ask you, what else in life is of any more substance, any more rewarding, any more enjoyable than that of a loving family? A prestigious job can be here today, gone tomorrow, fame can be fleeting and money certainly can’t buy love, laughter, or genuine friendship.

“Missing the mark of the more important things, somehow modern society has promoted the idea that being a woman and nurturing is passive. That’s absurd. It’s active!”

Photo by Liana Mikah on Unsplash

“Notice what the average woman does for her family? She’s a business manager, an accountant, a teacher, a private secretary, a cook, a nurse, a chauffeur, an interior decorator, a caterer, a trusted confidant. And, in addition, she often works outside the home. Is that passive?”

Gesturing for emphasis, she raised her voice, “That’s active! Demonstrated day after day, year in and year out — without letup!”

Julie opened her mouth to speak, but Terri continued pouring out her heart.

“Another point is child neglect. It’s rampant. We see it with latchkey kids. In daycare centers. With abusive babysitters. One reason is that few moms today choose to assume full-time childcare responsibilities. They perceive it as too stifling, too boring, hindering personal growth, because ‘mother has to do her own thing’”.

As a result, mothers are rearing their young daughters in the same way — to downplay their role as primary caretakers in the family. That calling is no longer the number one priority in the family arrangement. ‘No, no’ they wail, that’s 1950s thinking of the past. Women today can be all that men can be!

Terri stood, “Did you know that 50% of preschoolers do not qualify to enter kindergarten because their vocabulary is less than 500 words? Who’s teaching them to read? Who’s teaching them to speak? The maid? The daycare provider? Further 50% of them are failing second grade.”

Oh, and while we’re at it, why not mention the 750,000 pregnancies by age 20? The dropout rate for teen girls who get pregnant before age 15 is 80%! Before age 20, 40%. Where are their mothers? What — out doing their own thing?

“And today’s men are just as self-centered. There are fathers who work too much and are too busy. And others who, for whatever reason, refuse to share their lives with their sons. It’s abandonment. It teaches sons, by their father’s absence, to retreat from their male responsibilities.”

“These men are not teaching sons how to be good husbands and good fathers. As a result, sons and daughters not shown how to be properly nurturing mothers and fathers will emerge into adulthood unable to give or receive the human warmth and relationship skills necessary to establish happy families of their own.”

“Finally, the question is, where will the nurturing of human warmth within the family come from if women abdicate this role? ‘Where Julie’ Where?”

Their eyes locked.

“The insightful woman looks upon her femaleness and her fertility as part of her purpose, her potential, and her power. She rejoices she can conceive life — A privilege no man can ever have!”

Photo by Olivia Anne Snyder on Unsplash

She nourishes that life within her womb. Brings that life to birth. Loves that life when it enters the world. Trains that life from infancy to responsible adulthood. She cherishes her honored role within the family arrangement.”

Terri’s voice softened, and her eyes implored understanding. “Julie, I ask again, what rights are more important than the right to support and nurture the family?”

This powerful argument stunned Julie — silent. Finally, she said, “Your argument is well-taken, but I love my career. I’m good at what I do. I have a bright future ahead. Are you suggesting I trade it all in for pots, pans, and Barney?”

“That’s your decision, Julie. Where economic circumstances permit, a mom may well choose to stay home and raise her own children. For thousands of other women, this is not an option. They must work outside the home. But, to work or not to work is not the issue. It’s all a matter of ‘attitude.’”

“What is the woman’s attitude toward her role as caregiver? What are her priorities? Is she willing to put first things first — that being her family? She might ask herself, Am I working toward family harmony first or career first? Do I love my husband? Do I truly love my children? Do I want my marriage to work foremost?”

“If the answer to these questions is yes, then she will accept her wonderfully assigned role within the family arrangement and work with her husband as his complement to achieve martial harmony regardless of whether she works outside the home.”

Julie retreated deep into thought. The conversation had veered in a different direction, touting a far different perspective than she had expected. Confusion, uncertainty, and doubts overwhelmed her.

“Anyway Julie, think about it; meditate on it.”

Terri reached out and touched Julie’s shoulder; “If you have any further questions, please call me anytime.”

Julie walked to the door and let herself out.

This excerpt initiates Julie and Dave’s journey to establish forever love. We’ll discuss more of their journey in upcoming posts and reveal the conclusion Julie and Dave agree upon.

What’s next?


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Donna Patterson

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