Opposites Attract — But Tugs of War Wear Down Hugs — Marry at Risk!
How opposing temperamental Syncs can Stymie Serious Love
I love everything about my husband, Jim…
Except rising at dawn — that’s not my cup of tea.
Jim and I worked with our marriage counselor through hard times. We sorted out several issues. Now thrilled with our progress… Except for this one issue.
Dr. Braun (relationship counselor) to the rescue.
Once a month, several women met to discuss a relationship topic. Last month the topic was Should Opposites Marry? Listen to the conversation:
“Even though we quarreled over the simplest things, deep inside, we loved each other, and so we sought counseling,” Marlene said, smiling at Dr. Braun. “We found that differences in energy levels can surface in relationships and cause problems. Many times, people don’t even recognize what is causing the problems.”
Anyway, some people are more energetic than others in physical, emotional, and intellectual ways. They move, feel and think faster. Others react totally opposite. They’re slower and show lower levels of energy.
“For instance, Jim bounces out of bed early in the morning, raring to go. Energetic juices fuel him for upcoming activities. I, though,” she nodded, feigning sleep, “can hardly blink one eye open even after my third cup of coffee.”
We found out that our temperaments, speech patterns, body movements, and emotional responses either clash or harmonize with our partner.
If they clash, we could be in for big trouble. Because somehow, mysterious friction develops — but we don’t know why. Our temperaments yell, “out of sync.” The faster one feels impatient, and the slower one feels pressured.
Out of frustration, the faster one becomes yet faster while, the slower one becomes still slower. Each tries to force the other to adapt to his pace. And since that’s not likely to happen, these differences can wreck a relationship.
“Luckily, Jim and I sought help and could recognize the problem. We are working it out.”
“Good for you,” Dr. Braun hugged her, and everyone applauded.
“A couple other red flags,” Carolyn interjected, “are personal habits and use of money. If one of you is very talkative and the other quiet, there’s big potential for problems. One will crave conversation; the other quiet and solitude. What if one is sloppy and the other meticulously orderly? One likes a cool room to sleep in; the other wants it near 75 degrees.”
Or one is slim and diet conscious, and the other lets their weight get out of control? Does one prefer nutritious food and the other junk food? Does one like alcohol and the other abhor it? Eventually, these differences could be trying.
(Fewer hugs and kisses.)
And especially problematic are money problems. Disagreements about how to handle money can destroy a marriage. One wants to save money; the other spends everything they get their hands on. One is a risky investor; the other is ultra-conservative. One is generous to others; the other is selfish and keeps the money for personal use only.
Conflicting views like these may be deadly to a relationship. Better get these issues recognized and settled before moving ahead.
Barb snapped her fingers and sang, “A smooth and easy thing and all the good things that it brings.” Lou Rawls sang that in ‘Lady Love,’ she said. “It’s an oldie, but I love that song.
She summarized that generally — opposites should never marry. Their differences probably won’t gel.
There are, of course, exceptions. Want to share yours? Leave a comment.
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