There are so many failed relationships today—from breakups of lovers, separations, divorces. We all know this, so the question becomes whether trying to building a relationship is worth the effort? Is it pointless?
The answer is Yes and No.
No, if you don’t know what you’re doing. That is, if you’re just dating and going through the motions as best you can, hoping for positive results—then the answer could be no because trying to build a relationship based on hope alone without a basis for understanding what you’re doing, why you’re doing it and how to do it probably won’t work out well—It’s basically pointless.
That’s like me saying, “I hope this parachute jump goes well, even though I’ve never studied how parachutes work nor how jumping from an airplane works before.”
Now, that would be downright foolish. And pointless. And not worth the effort!
Likewise, you need to understand how interactions between man and woman work best before you can even begin to build a working connection between two separate and diverse individuals. More pointedly …
The Secret to building a successful relationship is to understand the transitions that take place at SIX different stages of the dating process as you proceed from selection thru dating into marriage.
These transitions are the nitty-gritty of the dating process. They set the stage for roles each partner should play from that crucial first date through transition six, which is the engagement period leading into marriage.
What the Transitions Help You to Do
- Determine whether two people are right for each other
- Prove whether you have what it takes to pledge unconditional love to each other
- Expose whether you two should marry or not and why
- Specify upon what basis whether you and your partner can enjoy life time love
Webster’s dictionary describes transition as a change—movement from one stage to another. And that’s exactly what we want our relationships to do – MOVE. You want to move from the initial introduction, “nice to meet you,” first date stage(s) to “I want to get to know you better stage.”
Then, if there is substance between the two of you, it’s time to move to exclusive dating where you begin to dig for the reality of each other, which leads to deep communication, verbal intimacy commitment, physical intimacy, engagement and finally, if all works according to plan … marriage.
Did you notice that commitment comes BEFORE physical intimacy? That’s worth taking note of because we are our own prize and we don’t give anything away free without our love returned to us in kind (more about this in up-coming posts).
Each of these transitions serves an outstanding building block purpose before moving on to the next one. How long do each of these transition period last? Don’t know. Each couple determines that but it should take ample time. This is not a quick fix race to the finish line. In the “How-to-Date-to-Marry” Workbook you learn the keen purpose for appropriating time in building your relationship. Allowing enough time is crucial.
What does Time Allow you to do?
Listen for the spoken and unspoken intent of your partner knowing that
openness or evasiveness reveals all.
- Listen for intent carefully and NEVER assume.
- Build an earthly friendship with the man who could become the center of your life
- Forge a bond between the two of you based on similar and compatible values, ideas, perceptions, goals and purposes
Or, in other words … to become your partner’s best friend!
Would all of this effort be worthwhile?
YES! YES! YES!
Well, do you want to live life alone or with someone you can give love to and receive that love back in return? Only you can answer that. Most of us would say, “Yes.”
Most realize that nothing life has to offer is more gratifying than your own true love, confidant, best friend, lover. And don’t be fooled, a J.O.B. can NEVER take the place of a warm and cozy intimate relationship with the man you love.
NOTHING replaces that.
Now, Back to theTransitions
Each stage builds upon the other. You learn valuable insight that store into this bank of special knowledge that will be used in later transition phases. It’s neat how it works.
For instance, at stage two, when you begin dating exclusively, something strange happens that can throw woman into a panic. If often shocks and surprises. Even frustrates and angers women. But to men, though, it’s normal. Without previously understanding that block of information on how men think, women tend to “mess up” at this stage.
And because men and women are different, a woman’s reaction toward her man at this point can make or break the relationship. It’s imperative to understand what happens during this transition period. A woman must understand all its twists and turns so she doesn’t sabotage her budding relationship because of misunderstanding his—to her, strange actions.
“But, this sounds like a lot of work,” I hear you say. Umm, the answer would be yes. This is why relationship building is not for the very young. Not for those not willing to go the extra mile. Not for those not willing to learn how relationships work best BEFORE attempting to engage.
But the good news is that when you learn these steps, you can build and maintain a loving relationship that will bring you sometimes tribulation (no one is perfect), but mostly joy because you will have built your relationship on solid ground and through the maturity of knowledge will have cemented a bond together that should last the test of time.
New Revelations to Follow
This post hasn’t given many specifics. Its purpose was to answer whether relationship building is pointless or worth the effort. I think we pretty much answered that. Now, your next question should be: how do I gain the knowledge of what these six transitions are and how each works as building blocks to the relationship I want to enjoy.
I invite you to look for the next post(s) that will involve a portion of the story of Ann who failed at following the transitions in the order presented and failed in her relationship. The lessons she learned will help you in protecting and securing your own relationship.
It will highlight how she reneged on allowing the necessary time to lapse to allow her new love interest to “see” her and to “value” her as the prize that she is. She jumped to physical intimacy too soon and lost …. learn how you can avoid a similar debacle in your own life. Timing is everything!
Happily, by the end, she got back on track and found true love. And so can you when you understand that building a solid, loving relationship is worth every effort you put into it. It is NOT pointless. It is a road to a special happiness that no other avenue of endeavor can bring.
Be sure to check out the workbook at: howtodatetomarry