You must love yourself first to attract the man you love — or game’s over before it even begins. That’s because if you have confidence in yourself first, a man feels your strength and wants to embrace that empowerment that is you. It’s something he can’t resist. This confidence attracts men like magnets.
“Oh, no,” I hear you scream, “…not another lesson on the value of high self-esteem!”
Well, answer this: If you don’t love yourself first, how can you confidently give and receive love back? How can you expect someone else to love you if you don’t love yourself first?
Why You Should Love Yourself First
I mention self-love is the first love because often lack of self-acceptance causes desperation. This desire for love at any cost can blind you into settling for so little in return. Desperate people latch on to someone, sometimes anyone, whom they feel will make them happy.
And men can smell that desperation from a mile away. Often they will exploit that desperation to your disadvantage—and you know that’s true. On the other hand, if you love yourself, you will never allow any man to exploit you!
What is the Fear of Self-Love
Many fear self-direction. They fear the responsibility of relying on themselves alone. That’s self-deception. Because in the final analysis, we are all alone anyway–each one of us is alone. We each came into this world alone from our mother’s womb. You came separate and distinct, separate and alone in the sense that no one can think for you. No one can feel for you. No one can live for you.
And no one can give meaning to your life but you. No one! And that’s reality. So again, to attract the man you love, you need to know yourself and then reach out and let him know who you are too.
It’s only when we fully realize who we are, and accept ourselves, can we understand how to integrate love of someone else into the rest of our existence.
Lack of self -love causes low self-esteem and leads to certain fears
- fear of self responsibility – many feel that if only they had a boyfriend or a lover, or a husband, then everything would be fine. That our happiness depends on an external force. Not so. A suitable companion can certainly enhance life, but we must find happiness with or without a mate. It’s not someone else’s responsibility to make us happy. It’s our own responsibility.
- fear of aloneness – no one wants to grow old alone. True. But it happens. And so realizing this, live your life aware of that possibility and make things happen for yourself. Reality is that each of us is alone anyway in the sense that no one else can think for us, feel for us, live for us or give meaning to our life except us–it’s an inside job!
- fear of unworthiness – that no one loves me because I’m not smart enough, pretty enough, slim enough, and so forth. When you love yourself and live your life with purpose, you will never feel unworthy of love.
- fear in desperation – can cause women to latch on to otherwise wrong choices. Even if he happens to be compatible, desperation can cause her to smother him, and then love dies.
Love of self, on the other hand, is positive and rewarding
- Self love provides confidence in relying on your own inner resources to make you happy. It builds high self-esteem that is very appealing to everyone you meet.
- Self love provides confidence in accepting aloneness, which allows acceptance of your lover’s aloneness. You won’t fear losing him. You allow him ‘space’ and love grows.
- Self love provides confidence that by being the best you can be you will attract your best match. You’ll find the one who will accept you for who and what you are as a confident individual, resulting in a rich, rewarding and balanced relationship.
How to Learn to Love Yourself
Let’s start with self exposure. Who are you deep down inside? What makes you tick? What are your goals, strengths, talents, perspectives, ideas, likes and dislikes? What would you need to balance out your weaknesses and promote personal growth?
Self exposure can be frightening because the vast majority of people feel inadequate, unworthy, unimportant. They would rather become dependent, exploited, dominated or subservient than rely on their own worth. Is that true in your case? The only way we can find answers is to question ourselves and not be afraid of the answers.
Sometimes otherwise secure women desperately grab hold of a man as if waiting to be rescued by him. Not for financial support, but for the love that she desires. Now that I have someone they reason, everything will be all right. I am loved. And then they will do everything possible to hold on. Most of the time, this desperation does not help you find love—however, love of self has the opposite effect—It does attract love.
Loving yourself affects virtually every aspect of your life. It affects whom you choose to fall in love with and it affects your behavior in the relationship–for better or for worse. Those with low levels of self-esteem drain life from the other and sabotage love due to their lack of self-confidence and internal insecurities. The partner picks up on this and in time, the relationship collapses. Without an even balance of self-esteem from both, love cannot survive.
A person with high levels of self-esteem accepts the fact that no matter how much love and caring exists between two people, each is ultimately responsible for them self. The mature person is not waiting to be saved and does not place unnecessary, unhealthy burdens of dependence on her lover. She is confident in her own ability, worth, mind and judgment. She remembers that she is the prize.”
A woman with high self-esteem relies on your own inner resources for happiness rather than looking for someone else, externally, to make her happy. Happiness, it has been said, is an ‘inside’ job. When you accept this responsibility for yourself, you build self-esteem.
This understanding that the greatest love is loving yourself first—should help you find love from a man who values your uniqueness expressed by your high level of self-esteem. By accomplishing this, you will indeed attract the man you love and your man will want to share his life with only you!
Even though we all need love and crave love from others, ultimately we’re all responsible for our own happiness. Love is first of all, an inside job. Love of self gives us the confidence we need to give and to receive the highest level of love in return. To learn more click on howtodatetomarry