Find True Love—Exert 7 Soulmate Secrets into Forever Love

Impossible? No! Discover what, how, and why this plan works

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Forever love …in this flip-flop world?

Surely, you jest.

Finding true love in today’s relationship climate is tricky.

Let’s look at a couple of dating scenarios:

Sabotaging Relationship Potential

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Lots of guys to hookup with — with one thing in mind…

After he’s sated — POOF, he’s gone on to the next “pretty thing.”

That’s called Sabotaging Relationship Potential. Too much, too soon.

 

She Becomes the Pursuer instead of the one Pursued

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is the age of female assertiveness. But one caveat many forget or never understood — men are programmed to pursue. Human nature doesn’t change. Ignore and you lose. (More later.)

Establish friendship FIRST 

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“Time” is the woman’s best ally. Use it wisely — slow and steady to build trust, value, compatibility, heart-felt love on multiple levels.

Dating without a Plan

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Where are you going with this guy? Why are you dating him: marriage? How will you get there? What is your PLAN? Otherwise, you’re dancing in the dark.

The 7 Step Solution — Starting from Date One

SoulmateMatcher tips #1–7

  1. Stage One: First Date(s) Positive Vibes: First dates are opportunities to get to know one another in a positive way. You talk, laugh, and feel each other out. You determine if there is chemistry.

If you are attracted to this man it’s imperative that he gets positive feelings about you. Make sure your conversation is all POSITIVE. Don’t complain about ANYTHING!

Discussions should focus on light topics. The weather, current events, interesting projects you’re working on, etc. Leave talk of problems with your ex or your bad supervisor, unruly kids, or financial problems locked in the closet at home.

Have fun. Make him feel happy to be around you. And at the conclusion of the date, be sure to “thank him with a big smile.”

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And that’s it — NOTHING ELSE. First dates are just introductions to experience positive vibes — to determine if there is any interest and excitement between you. If he’s interested, he will let you know.

If you’re interested you will accept his attention. And guess who pays for these dates? He does!

 

2. Stage Two: Testing Time: Men, as you know, have a difficult time with being exclusive. After you’ve gone out several times, he begins trying to decide if you’re the one he can make happy — if he really wants to continue to pursue you. If he wants to be exclusive to you. He’s testing to see if you’re the one he wants to win over and if he can give you what you want. At this point, because he’s not sure, he may pull away. He won’t contact you in any way.

This time of testing is particularly hard on women because women don’t understand how men think at this juncture. It’s not how women operate. If we like someone we like him and are ready to show it and move forward.

Men are not like that. They pull back to be sure. It’s critical at this point that you don’t blow it. Resist the urge to do anything during this period that resembles chasing him. This doubtful stage is normal and necessary because when or if he contacts you again, you’ll know he’s ready to move to the next stage.

How long is the pull-back period? Could be couple days, could be couple weeks; could be months or longer.

“What if he doesn’t call again?” Can I call him? Or do I just sit by the phone waiting indefinitely?”

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Good question. And the answer is yes and no. The answer is No if you intend to call to vent your resentment because he hadn’t called or worse yet to interrogate him about where the relationship is headed. That’s a NO. NO.

On the other hand, if you really like the guy, you can wait a while and make a casual, friendly call just to say “Hi.” Ask for his assistance with something of his expertise like how to handle a problem with a computer program or your car. Make the call SHORT. Just enough to let him know you are still interested.

If he doesn’t call you thereafter, it means (at least at this time) he decided not to pursue further and you have to move on. If he does call then it could be time to move to stage three.”

 

3) Stage Three: Going Steady — That’s what our parents called it years ago when they were in high school. Do you know the term?

It’s old-fashioned but it relates to a time when a couple was exclusive to each other — when each decided not to see anyone else.

It’s at this stage that you open up your heart (just a little) to begin to know one another on a deeper level to give the relationship a chance to grow to see if you each can get what you need from the other.

It’s the time to investigate what the two of you are made of, again in a positive sense. Each partner must experience the best the other has to offer. Both need to experience that they have the power to give of themselves and be successful.

At this stage you are creating a history of dates where he has succeeded and you feel supported. It is a time to evaluate, not the person, but how you are doing and what you can do to be your best self and bring out your partner’s best.

For emphasis, you’ll still in the POSITIVE mode. No negatives yet. You want to build up a storehouse of pleasant experiences to fall back on when troublesome times appear. You’re still putting your best foot forward thanking him for the little romantic things he does. He’s still giving and you’re still receiving. Continue to have fun together.

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A tendency at this stage is to relax and take each other for granted since you’re going steady. Wrong! And also, a HUGE SNAFU at this point is skipping ahead in the transitions to sexual intimacy too soon.

If you at this point let him think he has won you over already, he will stop pursuing. He will stop doing the little romantic things that make him attractive to you. He will shift into passive gear and lose his momentum and the relationship will cease bringing out the best in him.

He runs out of fuel so to speak. He needs the fuel of continuous challenge to win you over. He needs it to continue thinking of ways to please you, to plan and deliver special dates. By putting forth this effort a man ensures the growth of affection and interest in this relationship.

He also begins to understand that giving of himself in a romantic way is crucial as a way of pleasing you. It prompts him to continue to lead the relationship. And his reward is the pleasure and pride he feels when he succeeds in making you happy.

“What! I just sit back, watch him do all this, and do nothing — ?”

“Julie at this point you must stop thinking like a woman and think like a man. Understand his mindset. You are not simply doing ‘nothing’. You are acknowledging his efforts and showing appreciation by thanking him — and that’s all he needs.

We’re still in stage three at this point — so let’s assume you feel obligated to start doing for him like he is doing for you. Then what? He begins to relax and slows down or stops doing the little things he used to do because he thinks he’s already won you over.

Remember, you’re trying to get to stage six (marriage) this is only stage three. You’re only halfway there. If you reverse the roles at this point, he may NEVER pursue you to stage six. You’ve made it too comfortable at stage three!

 

4) Stage four: Cultivating verbal intimacy. “And the two shall become one flesh…”That’s the goal of marriage — that the couple learns to work together in union as one team. This unity of heart, soul, and spirit bonds them as soul mates.

A soul mate is someone who has the unique ability to bring out the best in us. The chemistry ignited between partners turns their souls on physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

The only way this can be accomplished is by “knowing” each other’s inner workings so well that they bond with ours in shared outlook and purpose.

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You’ve heard it said often, communication is the key to a good relationship. Communication, communication, communication is what it’s all about. This communication probes for compatibility assessing how to handle differences, and how to manage disagreements.

It scrutinizes likes, dislikes, habits, thinking on politics, religion, health, future parenting, financial matters, career expectations, housework, conflict resolution, vacation time preferences, responsibilities toward parents, anger, jealousy, insecurities, neediness, and so forth.

This requires effort, maturity, and a LOT of HARD WORK!

Ready for step 5?

 

5) Commitment: A good marriage is the greatest fulfillment life has to offer — lifetime love with your lover and best friend is as good as it gets … But are you READY for it? What does it mean to commit yourself to someone?

Well, think of the wedding vows. He promises to love, honor and cherish you forsaking all others until death. She promises to be his loving wife in good and bad times, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health for as long as you both live.

Hmm, that sounds pretty serious doesn’t it? Does it sound like something temporary?

No! It’s a vow!

Under what conditions do these vows become knell and void (aside from adultery)? Does it depend upon what your partner does? Does it depend on whether you’ve grown bored? Found someone with more money? Found someone younger or more handsome? Does it seek a way out?

I think NOT. Again, it’s a VOW! It means you are committed to love and loyalty for a lifetime …. No matter what!

Sounds scary doesn’t it!

Well, let’s think about love without commitment. Where do you stand with your lover? Is he going to be there for you for the long haul? Or are you just something to do for the moment?

How can you trust someone if he or she is not determined to make your relationship work for a lifetime? Do you want to have children with someone who isn’t sure he wants to make a commitment?

Without deep trust, how can you share your innermost thoughts and feelings? How can you express everything from the deepest parts of you? Do you want a temporary marriage or a permanent one?

Thus there is only ONE time to think about commitment — BEFORE you make it! After you’ve made the commitment your entire focus shifts to how to keep that commitment. Much of how to keep the commitment is considered in upcoming posts.

Now, if you are ready to commit to this person for a lifetime, it’s time for the engagement.

 

6) Engagement into Settled Love: Oh, happy day. The ring is beautiful and plans for a fairy-tale wedding fill your head. You might think the entire dating process ends here … but NOT YET. Two more crucial aspects need to be addressed BEFORE the wedding day.

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Many marriages will fail, not because couples picked the wrong partner, but because they did not prepare adequately. At this point it is time to practice the two most important skills of staying married: the ability to apologize and the ability to forgive.

The ability to forgive is the most important skill for a woman to have. With this power she can keep letting go of the little resentments that eventually build up and prevent her from being loving and responsive.

In a similar way, the ability to apologize is the most important power a man can use. The perfect time to practice giving apologies and finding forgiveness is during the engagement period.

By practicing these two skills before more difficult challenges arise, couples prove themselves ready for marriage.

 

7) Love and Live. Apologize and forgive. Grow old together secure in forever love.

Photo by Matthew Henry on UnsplashWhat’s next?

NEXT, TAKE THESE 4 ACTIONS:

  1. Complete the opt-in form to receive a FREE checklist
  2. Look at Book I here: Book I- What 99% of singles don’t know about selection, but should!
  3. Please COMMENT. Let me know what’s on your mind, and the subjects you’d like to see addressed. I’ll answer.
  4. Continue to check weekly for posts that inspire and encourage your journey to find true love with your soulmate.

Donna Patterson

P.S. If you find this interesting, please pass it along to friends. It’s Much appreciated.

 

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