THE LOVE CHALLENGE
Many women today think it’s too difficult to find the love of their life. True, times are harder for true love to blossom. Not as many men available. The pickings are slim. However, eligible men are still available and you can make finding the love of your life easier with a little strategy I named: The Love Challenge.
Many men today are happy as they can be since their pool is small—but the pool of beautiful, intelligent and kind women is enormous. This surplus of an unlimited supply of goodies is leading some men to hunger with a greedy appetite to voraciously taste all the women they can without committing to any one woman … when they don’t have to. He thinks the world is his oyster.
The Love Challenge …
This is where the Love Challenge comes into play. I’ll explain this in the terms of characters we all know: Lizzy and Mr. Darcy of “Pride and Prejudice”. If you haven’t read the book or watched the series, please do so. There is a plethora of dating tips to be unearthed and used.
In this classic love story, Elizabeth Bennett wins Mr. Darcy’s heart because she presented herself as a challenge to him. She did so even though without other prospects she might have become an remained single the rest of her life—even though there was crushing family pressure to marry for the family legacy.
Her family came from meager means. She wasn’t gifted with the means to attend higher education; though by no means was she unintelligent. Quite the contrary. The men eligible for her would no doubt have been among the more ordinary. But something inside herself yearned by something more than ordinary. And she desired great love, soul-bonding true love.
As chance would have it, she met a very prestigious wealthy, educated and handsome, man, Mr. Darcy. But he was quite egotistical. Arrogant. The intolerable snob who looked down on, in his mind, the lesser ones including the Bennett family which included Elizabeth.
However the situation placed them in close proximity to each other which they both seemed to deem unacceptable. However, there was this almost imperceptible twinge of chemistry between them they both tried to dismiss.
The key to understanding how Lizzy was able to win his heart was her assessment of both herself and him. Even though his station in life was very much above hers, she never compromised her own self-worth; her own value was as equal as his. She never allowed him to devalue her essence.
In course of time, he found himself drawn to her. And he fell head-over-heels in love. Now, this is where it gets interesting. He finally agonizingly proposed, stating that even though she was inferior in every manner, he couldn’t help himself but to subject himself to her level of station in life and accept it.
What!
Move along Mr. Darcy
Of course she refused to marry him. But how did she get him to this point when all indications were that a love like this would never happen … She challenged herself into his heart.
She challenged him in the sense that he had to pursue her on HER terms. She always held her value. Always. He had to EARN her love. He had to respect all things about her. He had to deserve her. He had to acknowledge the value she set on herself. And had to demonstrate his intent. And he did because she won his heart.
The lesson for modern day women is this:
The nature of men has not changed. He is still geared to pursue. The secret, then, is to set yourself as the Prize a man has to pursue, and, if he has interest, he will pursue.
This doesn’t mean acting selfish, arrogant or spoiled. It simply means understanding the given that men love to pursue. That’s who they are. Today, modern-day women have taken that tool away from him by being too available. They sleep with new men at the drop of a hat. Or move in on a whim. How is that allowing men to pursue?
So how does a woman accomplish this?
First women outnumber men by a wide margin, so it’s imperative that women acknowledge the pursuit. Learn to think like men think about dating and the pursuit. Many women today are too aggressive in initiating the pursuit. So let’s talk.
Men love a challenge and they love sex. So when a man meets a woman he’s attracted to, his first thought is sex—how can he get it and how soon can he get it. This is his thinking before he gets to know you as a person, before he appreciates your value, and before he considers any future with you. That’s his challenge.
Your challenge is to allow him to pursue you first; not give in to sex too soon because if you do, he will think he’s won off the first pass and will move on before he gets to know you as someone special. Then you’re defeated before you even start. You haven’t allowed enough time to span before a true friendship was developed between the two of you. He did not have time enough to get to know you well enough to value you and to love the inner you—your essence. That takes time.
Two tactics on finding love of your life is to:
- Set yourself up as the prize to pursue; to earn; to appreciate; to love
- Use time as your best ally in building a friendship with him that establishes a relationship. Time to set a foundation for emotional bonding before giving your all. Time for him to get to know you as someone special. Time enough for him to win you for your love.
What matters is that there would be evidence that he put forth time and effort to win your love. And in so doing, you two would establish a ‘history’ together as friends. And this friendship is the answer to how to find a husband the Elizabeth Bennett way.
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Until next time,
Grandma-D
For further information on all subjects relating to love, dating and marriage, check out these pages and posts:
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