Dating: Boldly Protect Yourself from Rejection


Many of us have been there—the cold, hard pain of rejection. It’s soul-stabbing suffering. It’s humiliating. It’s cruel. Its insufferable sting sears the heart. And you pray to never allow this to happen to you again. But how can you assure it won’t? We’ll consider one way in this post. It’s about keeping control of your emotions.


in serious thoughtWe women are emotional. Most times we lead with our heart. Especially when falling in love. Often we become so enamored with our new boyfriend, he becomes the center of our life and all we can think about is loving him. Loving him in every way expressing it sexually. In a deeply bonded relationship that makes sense.


But what if you just met him a week ago, couple weeks ago, or even a month ago, what have you established between the two of you that would warrant that level of togetherness? Without thinking this through, you could be setting yourself for rejection right off the bat and not even know it. Let me explain.


Especially early in a budding relationship men and women process sexual involvement differently. That’s because men can detach themselves emotionally from love making. Usually women cannot. And therein lies the problem. We tend to get so caught up in his embraces, his pleasures, his essence we quickly fall head-over-heels in love. It happens every day.


But does he fall in love like that; for the same reasons and to the same extent? For the most part NO! Sorry, truth is truth.


happy black coupleMen need to get to know you first. To value your friendship. To gauge whether you make them feel safe. To understand who you are deep down inside. To perceive your uniqueness. To savor your laughter. To value your intellect. To appreciate your goals and dreams. In short, he has to get to know your value and appreciate the real you. THEN he falls in love.


Since at first glance, his thoughts are often, how can I have sex with herand how fast–it can be a game to him. Once he’s got it, the challenge is over. Especially if he gets it on the first date or soon thereafter, he’s on to the next conquest since you did not allow him “time” to get to know the real you first. Don’t blame him.


Sometimes you wait, that’s good. Maybe even date for several months. Has he given you any indication that you are special? Has he shown the same love for you as you have for him? Or have you allowed your heart to get all wrapped up in him BEFORE he has made any type of commitment to you? If not, you could be setting yourself for rejection. Assuming makes you an ass.

 The Woman of Yesteryear

But you ask, how can I keep a man interested without makingout? Well, does he primarily like you the person, or you and your sex? Women of yesteryear give us a clue how to discern the difference. They courted sometimes a couple years or so. And during that time, she allowed herself to know the inner man; and vice verse; he began to know the inner woman. This time gave each the opportunity to decide if there was real love between them.


If there wasn’t genuine love, the breakup would cause pain, but nowhere near the pain of letting go when you become sexually involved and are blinded by shear gut-wrenching longing for him. Then the breakup becomes unbearable.


So one way to control rejection is by keeping your heart at distance until he commits to you. Why is he allowed to possess your body and enjoy all its pleasures for less! Think about that for a moment.


Sure, sometimes there will still be rejection, but rejection and a shattered heart are worlds apart. The former you can heal from and eventually move on; the other you may take forever to heal from. How do you put a shattered heart back together again? Answer: Don’t allow it to become shattered in the first place.


Control Your Heart

hearts and candlesThis is much easier said than done. Granted. However an education in how love works and doesn’t work can help direct your steps as you prowl the dating world. Following are insightful links that help you get that education.


Until next time,


What is True Love

How to Date to Marry


Is Yours an Everyman Vagina
all me for Support

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