Now that you know yourself (and I hope your were brutally honest). Did you draft a complete picture story of who you are? Good. The second step is to take that same Personal Profile and draft another profile and title it: My Selection Profile. This profile will become your roadmap to selecting the type of man to date; the type of man most likely to love you. This will be your most accurate guide in selecting a lifetime partner.
Take your notepad again and begin.
My Selection Profile
Name: __________________________________________________ (your name)
The following profile describes the type of man that would be my best match. He would be able to mirror back to me many aspects of my inner self. His personality traits, character, talents, goals, desires, ambitions, perspective of the world, faith, habits, strengths and weaknesses, various preferences, attitudes, hopes, dreams would be similar to mine leading to broadening the scope of our lives together. And that the differences are complementary and not divisive.
To help you start, take from your own Personal Profile and write in what he would mirror back to you.
- character: is he kind, generous, loving; or selfish and arrogant
- talents: are you proud or embarrassed by his talents
- goals: do your individual goals lead you in the same direction or not
- desires: are these in sync with your own desires
- ambitions: do you see eye-to-eye on this issue
- perspective of the world: loves people, is prejudiced, political
- faith: religious or not; belief in God or not
- habits: super neat, or slob
- strengths and weaknesses:
- various preferences: entertainment, sports, movies, hobbies, etc.
- attitudes toward most important issues in your life
- hopes and dreams
- “Hot Buttons” that spark intimacy for you
- And add other features and issues you deem appropriate
The full layout of this exercise is fully explained in the workbook here.
Let’s Meet the Men she Dates
Now that you have developed your roadmap to dating, how do you use it? We’ll take a look at how Julie (our protagonist) used hers. First, she discovered that old habits are hard to break so she floundered badly out of the gate. She was very reluctant to trust her Selection Profile, but as she goes along, we follow her as she dates five different men and watch her apply common sense actions, or not, to each dating scenario. As she learns, you learn too because you complete craftily designed learning modules that help you apply key learnings to your own situation.
- Jess: learn the outcome of desperation in her foolish experiment
- Rick: see her definition of “relationship” shattered by a reality check
- Phil: watch her evaluate temporary rewards vs long-term commitment
- Walter: experience her distress as she weighs the price of “settling”
- Stu: feel her excitement in the arms of Stu Malone in her highly charged interracial relationship as she tries to tame a notorious womanizer
- Dave: finally meet Dave Harland with the twinkling teddy bear eyes. Dave is kind, sensitive, funny and ‘oh so sexy and he fits her Selection Profile perfectly, but WAIT…this time does she possess the necessary skills to challenge herself into his heart? Has she learned from her past mistakes? Learn about her strategy to gain commitment when Dave hedges.
Part II of the Workbook Explores Dating using the Selection Profile
After Julie dates these five men and you follow along and complete the questionnaires, you will be able to answer the following questions:
- Is sex the same as love? What is the difference?
- What is intimacy? How do you know when you have attained it?
- What are the advantages of abstaining from sex during early stages of a relationship allowing for control of what?
- Upon what is a relationship based?
- What is meant by ‘challenging yourself into a man’s heart’?
- How is this challenge met? What does this technique work?
- What actions by Phil gave an early indication of what he wanted from a relationship?
- Had Julie relied upon her Selection Profile, would she have dated Jess? Why or why not?
- How can loneliness cause a woman to make unwise relationship decisions?
- Is a bird in the hand always better than two in the bush? Explain
- With Stu, why did Julie ignore listening for intent?
- Toward the end, how did Julie rebound using her Selection Profile to make the decision to end the relationship with Stu? What points did she consider?
- With Dave, how was their relationship different from the others even in the beginning?
- Why is it wise to pay attention to observations from close friends and family regarding your relationship?
- Where do you draw the line, though, in accepting or rejecting their observations?
- Even after consenting to sex with the man she loves, how did Julie retain some mystery?
- Why is some level of mystery important at this stage of dating?
- What happens in love when you assume?
- Why you must pay attention to the said and the unsaid
- What gain commitment strategy did Julie use?
- Why did it work?
- Based on Julie’s Profile, is Dave a good match for her? Why or why not?
How to use Your Selection Profile
After you have completed the modules, with new-found knowledge of how love works, and what it takes to establish and maintain an abiding relationship, you can now step back and take a deep hard look at either past or your current relationship. You have three choices:
- Adjust
- End or
- Make better
Whatever you decide you will have the ammunition you need to:
- Date with purpose and direction
- Establish a loving relationship
- Make an existing relationship better
- Enjoy warm affection and comfort with the man you love
- Invite me to your wedding day (LOL)
To begin your journey into an education of what love is and is not, get more information from the workbook here.
Also on the home page, read discussions under the tabs
And then order your copy Today. Click Here.
P.S. the post on a Friendship Lover gives insight to the importance of how ‘time’ and ‘friendship’ work together to establish true love. Read and enjoy.
If you found this information of benefit, please pass along to others who could likewise benefit. Thanks.
Grandma-D
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