Here’s a guy who feels sexual passion is everything. He swears he’s in love, but when the passion slows down, he panics. The “rush” is gone.
“Oops she must not be the right girl for me,” he reasons. He has no clue that chemistry alone does not define love. He doesn’t understand the passion/substance equation. Therefore he panics and bails leaving the girl devastated.
Then he’s off looking for the next passion “high”.
When these ‘dump’ situations happen most often the couple has run ahead and placed sexual passion out of sequence in the dating transition process. Well before any substance surfaces. Well before value is established. Well before any mention of commitment. Then when it ends up in breakups, heartache, bewilderment, anger, and sadness, they’re confused.
On another front, following are some red flags to watch out for EVEN if chemistry is present.
There’s the man who (no matter what) is deathly afraid of commitment leading to marriage. He doesn’t want to assume the responsibilities inherent in true love and he also runs away.
Sadly, some men don’t even know how to move love to the next level. They’ve never learned the art of small talk and don’t want to or are unwilling to probe deeper into the persona of this woman to really get to know her.
Finally, there is the charmer who is smooth-talking and cunning who knows how to get what he wants and all that he wants until he is completely satisfied. We call him the 90-day man. He’ll love you BIG time and USE YOU UP before moving on.
There’s a crucial segment about the 90-Day man in the How-to-Date-to-Marry Workbook that shows how to protect yourself from this kind of dump entitled “How to Safeguard Your Heart.” It discusses how to effectively shield yourself from the backlash of uncommitted sexual passion because you can make passion/chemistry work for you — or against you. It’s all in knowing how.
During initial passion, even if it doesn’t work out and may be painful, the good side is that you realize that this particular man does not have a realistic view love and commitment, so when he runs away, you win because you didn’t marry him. What kind of life would it be with a guy who doesn’t get it!
From the woman’s perspective after initial passion dies down you may look at this guy and say, “No way.” You decide that the early passion has run its course revealing little substance and decide to move on.
Bottom line is that, in this dating to find love, you want a man who is ready for commitment. That’s why you want to proceed slowly with passion to carefully assess the inner man before giving your all. You want to be able to stand back and in a realistic way see each other as potential lifetime partners. (There are six crucial steps to discovering who the inner man is.) Educate yourself.
If the potential for lifetime love is there, you can begin to focus on many other facets of life: learning how you feel, think, act, react, about a multitude of topics and subjects. If the love is real, together with passion, you have something to work through these issues with. And the two of you can, with reasoning ability, watch your dating love chemistry grow into a smooth and easy thing as it blossoms into lifetime, forever love.
Finally, we’ve saved the best for last!
Why Agape Love is Key to Relationship Happiness
Agape’ love is the glue that holds relationships/marriages together. It is guided by principles of what is right and in the best interest of the other. It is a code of conduct that governs the way we deal with our wife or husband. It is love that has an unselfish devotion and sincere concern for the lasting welfare of the marriage along with an active expression of this concern.
Practicing unselfish love enables couples to cultivate intense love for each other. It is principles by which we deliberately live. We make up our minds to seek the best for him or her so when emotional feelings come and go, this love remains because it is a mental decision.
What makes Agape love powerful is that it is the glue that holds marriages together in the ‘bad’ times and there will be bad times. There is NO perfect marriage. Problems will arise.Agape’ love, however, is what enables couples to continue putting up with each other and forgiving one another freely if either has cause for complaint against the other. Agape love is the love that never fails because it continues to look out for the interest of the other.
A great benefit is that practicing Agape love can stave off many problems at the outset. But when they do arise this principled love will help heal wounds, cover over faults, and forgive in a large way to keep the marriage vital and intact.
Practicing Agape love, however, can be quite a challenge in today’s world because it revolves around unselfish love and “role specifics” that some may find archaic if they are not familiar with its meaning, value and application in everyday life and loving.
When first introduced to Agape Love principles, some seethe and rage against it. But after seeing the positive results in action, they acquiesce to give it a try rather than risk losing their partner. In doing so they find the key to the meaning of love in happy marriage.
True love is based on chemistry, passion and the special connection, based on profound friendship, of being able to see your partner. To see and understand them deep down inside in a reciprocal relationship.
As couples progress through the dating process, first their verbal intimacy grows, following by physical intimacy when it has reached the level of commitment.
Sex in marriage is the crown jewel of love. This deep connection sacred to each other is made strong and secure by practicing agape’ love — the love that seeks what is in the best interest of the other.
Is all this effort worth it?
You bet! Because …
True Love is the greatest gift of all.
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