Date to Win: Why Opposers to “ORDER” in Relationships Are Wrong

A previous article discussed why “Order” in relationships is the key to happiness. Others violently oppose.

So here, ladies and gentlemen is the formula of love in a nutshell:

Chemistry+Passion+Spirituality+Seeing+Team = True Love


Oh, wait, here’s another definition:

“Loving does not mean merging, surrendering, and uniting with another person; it is rather a high inducement for the individual to ripen, to become something in himself, to become world, to become world in himself for the sake of another person.” Rainer Maria Rilke, from Letters To A Young Poet

Ummm. What do we have here? An opposing opinion to the One Team approach outlined above. Question is — which path is correct? In a relationship/marriage are you One team together or not?

This foolishness makes me mad as a snail smothered in butter on a dinner plate.


This is what is wrong with relationships today. Each wants to do his/her own thing and stay separate yet act as if united. Exactly how does that work?


It doesn’t.


And what does “to become something in himself, to become world, to become world in himself for the sake of another person.” What in the hell does that even mean? Confusion. This is what happens when people listen to this garbled double talk and go out on their own defining true love in those terms.

It destroys their relationships which predictably fall into chaos. Divorce. Separations. Heartache.


Do yourself a favor, if you don’t want to be One with your partner — don’t marry him. Stay single.


Rant over.


Let’s get back to talking about passion and sex.


You have a problem with that? Didn’t think so.


We’re talking sex within the context of true love; not casual sex. Many think great sex is a function of technique and frequency, not so. The truth is great sex is a function of human connection. Remember, we’ve talked about that special connection — connection first with yourself and then with your partner.


In other words, the special bond two people have created within their committed love allows them to meet each other sexually in a way that will feel fulfilling for both. Sex becomes their expression of love to each other.


Here’s a reality check: Great sex isn’t only about having orgasms! You can feel deeply connected to your partner sexually even if neither of you climaxes every time you make love.


We live in such a goal-oriented culture that we think that a great orgasm equals great sex, but the reality is that an orgasm comprises the last 20 seconds of lovemaking. What’s happening the rest of the time?

Lovers who have connected as soulmates feel free to open their hearts fully to the touch, smell, and feel of their partners in ways that propel their intimacy to its highest level. They feel safe, warm, secure. There is no hidden agenda; no points to score, no reasons to hold back.


They discover the best in each other in seas of ever-expanding emotions that only they share together. This defines what it means—”to make love.”


For those who think sex itself is the Ace of Diamonds. Notice the following scenario:

You’re two people in love who can’t get enough of each other. When you’re together sparks fly and chemistry explodes between you for the entire world to see. It’s a ‘high’ all couples in love pray to experience.


But here’s the point: Chemistry and Substance must work hand in hand. Let me explain.

Expecting to sustain intense, heightened passion between two people in everyday life together is UNREALISTIC. Passion can’t be sustained to that degree throughout an entire relationship. To think otherwise lands you in fantasy land.

Somewhere along the line passion settles at which time you determine whether enough substance has surfaced to take the relationship to the next level.


The next level moves couples to dig in and really get to know each other — deep down inside in multiple areas of life on an array of different subjects. Probing for compatibility, assessing how to handle differences, managing disagreements, etc. This requires effort and a LOT of HARD WORK!


So much effort is required that if relationship chemistry isn’t there, the couple won’t have the interest, vigor, or desire to work hard enough to cultivate their feelings into deep, stable love where the roots intertwine, firmly established. Secure. Safe. Solid.


Couple sharing dinnerChemistry’s two-fold role then is to introduce this man to this woman to see if anything ‘clicks’ between them, and then the initial excitement coupled with substance moves the relationship progressively along into intimacy and marriage. That’s how chemistry is supposed to work, but notice what happens when you put all your eggs in …

The ‘sexual Passion Basket’. . . .

Watch for the next article entitled: Why Putting All Your Eggs in the “Passion Basket” Explodes


What’s next?


  1. Complete the opt-in form to receive a FREE checklist
  2. Look at Book I here: Book I- What 99% of singles don’t know about selection, but should!
  3. Please COMMENT. Let me know what’s on your mind, and the subjects you’d like to see addressed. I’ll answer.
  4. Continue to check weekly for posts that inspire and encourage your journey to find true love with your soulmate.

Donna Patterson

P.S. If you find this interesting, please pass it along to friends. It’s Much appreciated.





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