Commitment Phobic Men: What’s the FEAR?


FEAR! Inside their heads when men ponder the word commitment they hear—responsibility, permanence, loss of freedom. Yikes! I can’t do this. I’m not ready for this. I’ll take too much work. FEAR! The positive side of this thinking, if there is any, is that men seem to understand the challenges involved in this deep level of loving. And that frightens them.


Man fears love commitment
Fearful young handsome male model with rose

When a man contemplates the responsibility of work, wife, children, home ownership, the dog and the white picket fence it can overwhelm him.


He shrinks back in alarm from adjusting to the thought of the hard work of making a relationship work and the trying times associated with that hard work. Because there will be trying times. Commitment to another person is always work in progress for better and for worse. For worse because two imperfect people have to learn to live and work together as one.


But think about love WITHOUT commitment. What would that look like? Especially from a woman’s point of view, because in the long run, she has the potential of being the biggest loser when commitment is lacking. Here are questions she should ask herself about the man she wants commitment from:


  • Is he going to be there for me in the long haul? When times are troublesome?
  • Am I just something to do for the time-being? Or does he talk about a future for us together?
  • How can I trust a man who is not willing to make a commitment to me for the long haul?
  • Will he be there for me and any children we bear; will he be the father figure we want?
  • Can I see him loving me for a lifetime as I will him?


Those are serious questions. One reason relationships fizzle out so quickly today is because couples don’t understand the seriousness commitment implies. To their chagrin, they fall in love and in bed rarely thinking ahead to the consequences of anything other than the moment.


How men can take advantage of a woman’s desperation for love at any cost


Especially in today’s society, much to their disadvantage, women tend to settle for conditional love— that is, commitment—not necessary. Men don’t have to commit to get practically anything he wants from the modern woman. Want a bed partner? No problem, I’ll move in. Want a housekeeper? No problem I’ll be there for you. Want financial assistance? No problem I’ll loan or give you the money. And so it goes.


Why should he buy the cow when he can get all the milk he wants for FREE? It’s an old saying, but truer now more than ever.


But if you want him to make the commitment, how can you go about doing this? You certainly can’t force him into it. And if somehow you manipulate him into marriage, in time, neither you nor he will be happy campers. There is a better way.


Education in How Relationship Work


If a couple wants their relationship to proceed to the next level of unconditional love—that is full commitment, they must learn what it is and how it works. Let’s take a look of three advantages relationship commitment:

  1.  It holds couples together while in adjustment mode: A relationship has to develop over time. During that time period there will be good times and award times, even bad times. However, if you’re committed to each other, you can conquer this phase rather than panicking and bailing out.
  2. It eases fear of abandonment: You can be yourself, the good, bad, and ugly (being realistic here) and know that he will still be there. He won’t leave you. That you’ll always be loved. Isn’t that comforting?
  3.  It fosters trust and deep intimacy: You feel free to open your heart to this man. You share your dreams and hopes having no fear that he will dump you. You can bond deep and reap the glorious rewards of true intimacy. What a mighty force.




man happy in committed relationship with his family
Man cutting a pizza for his family for the dinner

Men fear when they do not fully understand the power of true love. True love is the most powerful force in the universe. It alone stands supreme in the overall scheme of things. When he discerns its power to infuse happiness into his life and the life of his wife and family, the man who loves you ‘enough’ will come through with full, abiding commitment.




Until next time,



See other articles related to this topic:

What is true love?

How to date to marry

Relationships defined

Is Yours an Everyman Vagina?

Call me for Support

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